Hard Times Come Again No More

There's an old song people used to sing in days when things were scarce and spirits were low. It's a sorrowful song, all ragged with pain. The lyrics go:

Let us pause in life's pleasures and count its many tears,
While we all sup sorrow with the poor;
There's a song that will linger forever in our ears;
Oh hard times come again no more.

[Chorus:]
Tis the song, the sigh of the weary,
Hard times, hard times, come again no more
Many days you have lingered around my cabin door;
Oh hard times come again no more.

While we seek mirth and beauty and music light and gay,
There are frail forms fainting at the door;
Though their voices are silent, their pleading looks will say
Oh hard times come again no more.

There's a pale drooping maiden who toils her life away,
With a worn heart whose better days are o'er:
Though her voice would be merry, 'tis sighing all the day,
Oh hard times come again no more.

[Chorus]

Tis a sigh that is wafted across the troubled wave,
Tis a wail that is heard upon the shore
Tis a dirge that is murmured around the lowly grave
Oh hard times come again no more.

[Chorus]

It's been a song that's been in my head in the recent past. I suppose here I'm going to give an update to anyone who may have been curious of how I've been doing in my recent fights with depression. Admittedly, over the past few weeks, it's been rough. I could manage to get through my days (except for the daily need to sleep an extra 1.5-3 hours in the middle of the day), but at nights I'd just fall apart and collapse into a pile of scrap metal. All sorts of emotions would enter my mind: jealousy, anger, frustration, loneliness, sadness, desire for solitude, desire for even the meagerest company. Things could fly all over the place. At times I'd beg the world to leave me be. Sometimes I'd go for a walk out to a grove of trees and just sit there until the feelings passed. Other times, I would desire only not to be alone. I'd text anyone to ask if they wanted to get together and spend some time that evening. Sometimes it worked, other times it was just not meant to be. Of course I could never tell anyone directly how I was feeling. Aside from this blog, word of my depression almost never meets air. I suppose I'm ashamed of it in a way. Perhaps it denotes weakness in me. A man doesn't post about his feelings on Facebook or tweet about sadness... do they? What's more, I never wanted to be a burden on anyone. I never wanted to post something and have someone get bummed out because of how I was feeling, or talk to someone and make them also feel it. Thus, I've kind of painted myself into a corner. I sort of locked myself into my head with only a few tiny cracks left for me to breathe through. It wasn't a particularly enviable arrangement. Sometimes when I was low and finding little escape from it, I'd think of this song and let the chorus play over in my mind. "Hard times, hard times, come again no more." It was a wish I'd sing to fate. Over the past week, however, things have been getting better. My doctor and I took a few measures to get things back on track, and fortunately now I've been considerably more stable. I'm able to get through my day in good spirits, I don't have to sleep around midday now, so now I can get even more work done, and my nights remain stable and strong. At last, I feel like I can get around to doing what I need to do and knocking out the problems that approach me in this life at college. I still internally sing that song, I will admit. "Many days you have lingered around my cabin door, oh, hard times, come again no more." However now, I don't sing it as a dreading and begging wish. Now, I sing it as a hopeful wish for days to come - almost as if to shake my fist at the hard times that may come.